I see the systematic devaluing of women in our society.
The United States of America does not treat anyone equal to the way they treat cis-gender, white men.
I know that is a bold, probably infuriating statement. But I have really come to believe it.
I am a young woman with dreams, and goals, and opinions. I have opportunity and privileges but I understand that success comes from hard work. I am proud of the voice I have learned to use, and I am proud of the intelligence that I have worked diligently for. I know that I am a valuable member of this society, because I have worked hard to be one.
However, recent actions, decisions, and statements made by people in positions I once respected make me question my value. Simply because I am a woman.
Obviously, many of these thoughts are triggered by the allegations brought against Judge Kavanaugh, the reactions to such allegations, and his subsequent confirmation as a Supreme Court Justice.
I would like to talk about the larger issue that I think was brought to the media and political stage because of such allegations.
The systematic and institutionalized devaluing of women.
When we as a society, and the institutions that are supposed to protect us all, are quicker to protect the reputation and future of a man over the health and safety of a woman, equality has died.
I think everyone knows that sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape are issues plaguing our nation. To make matters worse, there is a disproportionate number of unreported assaults compared to those that are reported.
Women who have been traumatized, taken advantage of, and devalued, do not trust the institutions that are supposed to protect and serve them.
The simple fact is this, far too many women do not come forward when they are assaulted and/or raped because of the shame that has been, and will continue to be forced upon them. Consistent mistreatment, consistent disbelief, reliving and recounting trauma, invasive procedures, just to get law enforcement and a court system to consider that your allegations might be true, are huge deterrents for devalued women to seek the justice and healing they deserve.
Over and over again I feel like I am reading or hearing allegations of abuse and violence. And instead of saying “that poor woman, how will this affect her and her future?”, we are saying “that poor boy, how will this affect him and his future?”.
In statements like those, I, as a young woman in America am hearing that my value and my word will never measure up to those of a young white man. My future will never be as important.
The fact that harassment, assault, and rape are happening is infuriating. The fact that women don’t trust our institutions to report is frustrating. Hearing our leaders and representatives ignore those problems, and instead say that men aren’t safe because of women is disheartening.
No matter what you’ve been hearing, the fact of the matter is that the safest people in America are white, heterosexual, cis-men.
Men who are kind, are respectful, who treat others the way they want to be treated, are not necessarily at risk of being accused of a crime they did not commit. I know there are some bad women in the world who take advantage of sexual assault allegations. I know that some women who may experience regret or embarrassment may wrongly accuse a good man of assaulting her. I am ashamed of those women.
But I can not express enough how little that happens. There is no epidemic of innocent men being accused of sexual assault.
Instead of mocking women who do choose to come forward, instead of lamenting over whether your son could be accused of assault, why don’t we address the issue of consent?
If we educate boys and girls as to what consent actually is, we could dramatically improve the situation we’re currently in.
Boys and girls alike need to understand that you MUST give consent in order to be intimate. Boys and girls need to know that if you choose to, you can revoke consent. If we teach teenagers and young adults that it is ok to talk about intimacy, that it is ok to speak up when something doesn’t feel right, I truly believe we can change the current culture that is failing us. Communication is the key.
As a final thought, I can not express enough that we are only entitled to ONE body. And that is our own. No matter how much alcohol was consumed, no matter sexual history, no matter what one wears, we are never entitled to someone else’s body. And I’m begging you, if someone you care about trusts you enough to tell you something has happened to them, believe them and support them.
