There’s something unique and alluring about stepping out onstage in front of an audience to perform.
The heat of the lights, the darkness blanketing the audience, the first notes edging through the sound system, and the surge of adrenaline and simultaneous calm that rushes through your body.
Like many performers who have been classically trained I’ve been conditioned to strive for perfection, especially when it comes time to step on that stage. So it’s often hard to walk away from a performance and feel good about it. Instead of seeing the artistry and the beauty and the vulnerability that you left on the stage you think about what could have been better, what you could have done differently, whether you’d performed it better a time before.
Last weekend I got to step back on stage and perform 3 beautifully crafted works. I danced my heart out and then some. I was surrounded by artists that offered their own brilliant individuality and talent. And for the first time in a while I walked away feeling…good.
Like genuinely good about what I put on that stage. I wasn’t worried about the other times before that I had performed the work. I was confident in the way I’d performed, even if it wasn’t the same as the times we’d done it before.
I’ve pretty much fully recovered from my post-performance hangover – that weird cathartic exhaustion where you’re enjoying letting your body rest, and also feeling totally drained from the emotional and physical experience you just had. Thinking that this euphoria is unfortunately temporary but there’s beauty that in just a few days you’ll be stepping back into that studio to create and refine and explore some more.
I feel rejuvenated by the show, and am eager to dive back into that world again – even if my body and mind are still a little sluggish. 🙂
